John McCain fucked my wife.

Janet's on her period again.

You are all my children in Christ, and I will spank thee. I will wet thine ass and spank thee. Three times. Thus saith the Lord.

My grandson, Huck, has been saving his toenail clippings since January. At Christmas he'll be able to trade them in at Gramp's house for a nice shiny quarter!

I can already tell the Federated timeline is something I do not like.

My toots are sponsored by Under Armor. #ad

I've jokes

Jesus mentions tooting in the Bible on more than one occasion.

It's official: I will run for President in 2020. The first tooting President. I will make sure my sons stay in the White House basement.

I forgot my sons' names again.