My kids are homeless because I lost it all on a Impractical Jokers slot machine in Reno, Nevada

The American Pickers are my friends

I got a lot of new followers tonight and I hope your bodies have built up a natural immunity to warm fuzzies because this is a family zone

Totally boofed that Jeopardy question about metaphysics and I be out here feelin' like a dum-dum.

Just got done writing a lengthy letter to the bird site detailing every reason I have made the jump to Mastodon but it's now been rendered useless because my Tootsie roll pop flew out of my mouth and made it all sticky

Morhers don't let your son's grow up to be proud boys

When the friend who showed me this site was explaining it, she said "it's kinda like Star Trek in the sense that..." and I was like "Say no more. Just show me where I put the credit card info"

There's a car in one of the good spots at this Safeway filled with young people making a "How to roll a blunt QUICK" video on their phone. I'm so mad I could spit