I was a smart kid, I don't know what happened now I'm dumb a f'ing rocks. - Lemmy.World

In the 80’s they told me I was gifted. As an adult I have no idea what that means. I never did well in school. I’m in my late 40’s now and I think a smarter person would be more successful. Beyond any secret Rainman powers, ADHD and autism has ruined my life. Real success is elusive, but I have a singular talent for learning new things and adapting faster than those around me. I realize to others I read as smart but in really it’s all magic tricks. My brain flags certain information as useful and other information as worthless. Most of the time I don’t have much control over the process. I will admit that I believe I can see patterns that other people can’t see yet. Where most people see a sequence of events, I see a cloud of probability with blended highlights that point in a direction. I’ve never felt a real connection to another human other than my wife, but I spend all of my social effort making sure I don’t fuck things up with the beautiful woman who smiles when she sees me. I was a child star. As a member of the Singing Boys of Pennsylvania I performed in every state east of the Mississippi before age 12. I sang Carol of the Bells to a Cardinal in a McDonald’s. I have 8000 hours on a jack hammer and 5000 hours on a forklift. I’m big. 6:3" 250+, with a fire engine beard. I’ve got thousands of hours doing finish concrete, plumbing, framing, roofing, sheet rocking, demolition, and more. Once I could squeeze a bathroom scale to over 330lbs with my finger tips. The only degree I’ve completed is my bartending degree, but in the 7 years I wasted in college I spent a year as a high school student teacher and two years interning as a respiratory therapist. I was a summer camp counselor working with horses, leading trail rides and teaching basic riding skills. I’ve worked farms. I was a commercial salmon fisherman in Alaska. I was a volunteer fireman. I was a mechanic, A basement waterproofer, a contractor, a waiter, and a 6 figure salesman. I’ve made $10,000 in a day many times and used a kureg to boil water for ramen because I didn’t own a microwave just as often. I’ve explored the pyramids with zahi hawass. I’ve crossed the Saini desert and slept under the stars in the Negev. I have crossed a desert on a camel with the the bediuon. . I’ve snorkeled in the red sea and swam a mile across shark infested waters to explore an island in the Mediterranean. I’ve traveled north Africa. I’ve lived in Jerusalem. I’ve prayed at the Western wall. I’ve studied 5 languages but I only speak 2. I’ve traveled Europe by train. I’ve seen the Aurora with my eyes. I have a picture of myself standing next to a salmon shark while holding a WWII vintage M-1 Garand. I saved a harbor seal from a net. I have seen pilot whales surface three times before diving. I am/was a musician. I grew up in a family folk band. My parents were founding members of Musikfest in Allentown. I grew up on stage. 6 months after first picking up a guitar I was performing Bach. The summer after I graduated high school I traveled around Europe performing on corners and pubs for beer money. I could scream Nirvana and Oasis with the best of them. I got lost in Berlin at the Love Parade… Once the Czech police stole all my money on the St Charles bridge. Today I am the only person in the world who makes the quarter million dollar JHMCS helmet, specifically the ROMA carbon fiber housing. I don’t do the electronics but I make the rest of it. Honestly I probably shouldn’t even talk about it. Any time you see an F 18 take out a target from five miles away, that was me. I work 65 hours, 7 days per week to meet demands that only get tighter. A am a father, a husband, and carry the burden of more than one child who was never born. My story is still being written. I will never stop searching for peace. Ask me anything.