When the top of the sun is just peeking above the horizon I like to imagine its eating the earth’s pusey

I push a sausage through the hole of a donut. "THIS IS A SANDWICH" I yell at the crowd behind the barricades who are screaming for my blood.

We talk a lot of shit around these parts and we all have our own unique tastes but what we're *not* gonna do is get judgy on folks expressing an unironic appreciation for Candlebox's 1991 smash hit self-titled debut album, "Candlebox"

back in my grandma's day you could just cut into your wealthy husbands brake lines. now you gotta hack into his self driving car. learn to code kids

Boost to shake this good boi's paw!

this is ur friendly neighborhood nonprofit worker to remind u that the red cross is trash and local organizations will always be more nimble and effective after a disaster and make sure you check charity navigator before giving to a new nonprofit

I had like 8 of these and I'm not even buzzed yet

what the fuck