Me: [cooking chocolate chip pancakes]

My brain: That last one is kinda small.

Me: Yeah, that's all that's left of the batter.

My brain: It's got a lot of chocolate chips, though.

Me: A lot sink or get stuck too the side of the bowl, so there's one small pancake with a lot of chips.

My brain: Oh. So it's like a 5-foot-5 guy with an 8-inch dick.

Me: ...

My brain: ...

Me: Someday I will permanently anesthetize you.