"Just try it!" Rachel pleaded. "You might like it." It wasn't really a test, but Rachel knew it kind of was.

Blake knew that he would have to adapt to some of Rachel's big city ways if he wanted to live with her forever, kind of like two vampires but without the blood and coffins and stuff. But still living together, just like vampires do.

"Alright, I'll give it a try." He got a mouthful and squished it around. It was creamy, with a touch of salt. He swallowed, and a smile grew on his face. "Wow! I really can't believe it's not butter!"

"You must never use this in a croissant," Rachel said very seriously.

Blake pinky sweared.

Suddenly Blake's vocabulary lesson was interrupted by doubt. "But wait! Why would Rachel care about how I feel about her?" he thought. He couldn't think of a reason why it would matter to her at all. Still, this was the best plan he had, so he went back to trying to memorize what the word "happy" means.

The alert is correct. LW is malware for the brain.

Reading was the first mistake.

"Chez Mixte?" laughed Marcie over the phone. "More like Chex Mix! Look, the bumpkins in Pastryton might think it's convenient for families to pick up their men's and women's pastries from the same shop, but you and I both know that it's just not worth the risk. What if a woman accidentally makes a dainty religieuse with masculine dough made by a man? It would be chaos! Who knows what would happen? I certainly wouldn't want to be there to find out."

Today I learned that gerikson's avatar isn't Squidward.

Rachel loved to watch Blake knead bread. She would do it for hours if she could. Blake's big, strong hands could knead the dough harder than anyone else, and that's why his loaves we always longer than anyone else's.

"I can't believe that Rachel is going back to Manhattan because of a misunderstanding I could explain to her in six words but have instead chosen to make a huge plot point."

"Have you tried just telling her how you feel, Blakeston?"

"Is that... is that a thing you can do? Like there are words for such things? This is incredible, Mom! What an amazing idea! No one else could give advice like you do!" Blake couldn't wait to get home, turn on his computer with his thick, rod-like fingers, and Google "words that describe emotions."

I figured it stood for Top Pedophiles on Twitter, and this is still the only evidence I've seen that that isn't what it stands for.

Why has my life lead up too being perfectly prepared to write parody Less Wrong romance fiction instead of something... I don't know ... beneficial to humanity?