I made it inside, got to my room, sat on my bed, placed my head in my cupped hands and just sobbed.

Why is this world so terrible?!

What is the point of such useless suffering?!

How long will I have to endure this?

I can’t handle this.

My hands were shaking as I tried to reload a pellet, dropping several. I gasped, “please, please, come on—this poor squirrel!”

He just looked at me as if he felt betrayed.

He pawed at his mutilated face.

I could barely see the chamber through the tears. I finally got a pellet in.

I fired again, and made the shot. It was over.

I tried to keep it together as I turned the corner— the bouncing basketball told my the neighbor kid was outside and could see me.

Usually, they enter the live trap, I take them to a secluded area, and I shoot them in the back of the head with an air rifle which results in a quick death. It sucks and it pains me every time, but it’s the best option.

If I leave them in the cage too long they will literally wear their teeth to bloody nubs trying to escape and often die from stress.

For that reason, I’m grateful when I find them early.