I spent some time trying to find some new friends or people to talk to last night. Im not sure if it was where I was looking or if it was just me but the whole experience felt alien and I felt as if I was interrupting everyone with my presence. I think I might try again tonight when I have some spare time. I feel like I need to prepare myself to be social with others. If I do not Ill just end up not saying a word and just sitting there being weird...

So ive spent a couple hours cleaning today only to be told how my step by step process is wrong when all im doing is breaking a large room into smaller sections so I can focus on my task. I know it is selfish of me to want to be thanked for what Ive done so far today, but i was not expecting to be criticized because my thought process is not identical to anothers. I know i need to let it go and focus on work but this is gonna stick to me all day....

I live in a world where its easier to doible down than back out and admit fault. I would rather take the perceived weakness of admiting a mistake than the denial of truth to support another under attack

I wonder how people interact so easily with eachother I see it daily and wonder how I would try to emulate it

Finally back home had a bit of a tough tine standing in the checkout line but in all I would call this a big success.

I always feel comfortable and relaxed when im in the shower. I don't know if it is the personal space of it or the hot water on my skin but it gives me a period of time where I can let my mind wander. I lose track of myself standing there letting my mind free associate in a positive way that I can not seem to find through any other means. I can exist in a space bare and raw as the human I am without any air of the judgement or criticism I generally feel about me going through my day

Finally going outside for the first time in weeks all I need is apple juice and bagels im hoping I dont get a panic attack to boot

The weather today is matching my mood perfectly I feel calm for the first time in a while.

https://mastodon.network/media/sRUZZa1i0YdODSErqRk

At what point does one cross the line from attempting to fit in into trying too hard