*house party at midnight tonight*

people: happy new ye-

neil degrasse tyson, emerging from behind sofa: actually years are just a social concept based on our orbit of the sun, they don't actually matter, so celebrating a new one is dumb and stupid just like you

me: neil im sorry i didn't invite you but jeez this is a bit much

neil: shut up mert im not even real im a caricature you invented for a joke you don't even go to parties

me, alone in underwear: GASP!