While the valiant franc-tireurs at Mammouth.Cafe work to restore their Mastodon instance, I'll retreat to the safehouse at Mastodon.Social and do the following:

So there was this Dutch somnambulist in upstate New York who went to sleep around 1760 and slept for 20 years, doing pushups and situps in his sleep the whole time. When he woke up the villagers saw his new muscles and gave him a new nickname.

What, you never heard of Ripped Van Winkle?