Pride month has me thinking back on my long life and trying to figure out where all the clues were that I stupidly missed. I don't think there were any.

You'd think the fact that I was literally, figuratively, and emotionally unattracted to girls when I was in my teens would have been a clue. It's not, though, because I wasn't attracted to boys, either. The asexuality was so dominant that my actual sexual preference was lost way down in the noise.

Nobody knew what asexuality was back then, so I had no explanation for this sexual dead zone I was in. Everyone else my age had raging hormones and were navigating their teen years like they were driving a muscle car with its gas pedal stuck to the floor, trying to gain sexual experiences while staying within the bounds of the curvy road of social, academic, and parental control.

I had raging hormones, too, but all I had to do was squeeze one out every night to burn off the excess testosterone. Then I could proceed with my life, immune to the hazards and distractions of adolescence.

What a peculiar way to grow up.

I wish it had been different.
  

#PrideMonth #asexual