It is with a heavy heart that I announce Norway must bravely and selflessly continue to sell ultra-expensive planet-wrecking gas to Europe, including opening up 3 new previously-closed gas fields.

This hurts* us more than it hurts you and your crippling, rising fossil fuel bills, Europe.

Our special Democratic Methane is unmatched: the democratic climate impacts you experience should be appreciated in full. We will be granting ourselves the next Nobel Peace Prize.

*funds our second homes