This lazy, unemployed, farting freeloader turns four today. Happy Birthday, Pete. You got a family that loves you. #SqueakyPete #dogsofmastodon #mastodogs

my wife found him abandoned in a parking lot. He was a baby. Weighed less than four pounds, whole body was smaller than his head is now. He was covered in bite wounds, had an abscess the size of half a racquetball on his neck, and you could count his ribs from six feet away. She brought him home. The vet said he was about 48 hours from death when she did that.

Now he's 70 pounds, whiny, and demanding as hell. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. #SqueakyPete #dogsofmastodon #mastodogs

@middleclasstool he found the best family for him. What a good doggo!

@middleclasstool Ah, the dog distribution system in full force.

DDS: "This one's gonna need a whole lot of love and a family that is okay with a lot of that love getting converted into a lot of gas"

Your Wife: "We'll take that on. C'mere you little stinkburger!"