Tina Okoli-AzzalarabThe “Tiny Thing” That Wasn’t Actually Tiny
Hey y’all, it’s Tina. Grab a coffee—or a glass of wine, depending on how much of a “situation” you’re currently dealing with—because we need to have a serious talk about something that’s been grinding my gears lately.
You know that feeling when you’re upset about something, and someone looks at you with that blank, blinking-stare expression and says, “I don’t get it… why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
I saw a post today that hit the nail on the head: “yall be missing the principle of situations and think people be mad for no reason.” I felt that in my soul. Because truly, it is never just about the “thing.” It’s about the principle.
The Yogurt Spoon Example: It’s Not About the Silverware
Let me give you a “Tina Special” example. The other day, I lost it over a spoon. Yes, a single, crusty, yogurt-covered spoon left on the counter right above the dishwasher.
Now, if you’re a “missing the principle” type of person, you’re thinking, “Tina, it takes two seconds to put the spoon in the dishwasher. Why are you breathing like a dragon over silverware?”
The Missing Principle
It’s not about the spoon. It’s about:
- Respecting Boundaries: I’ve asked three times this week for the counters to stay clear.
- Valuing Effort: Leaving it there says, “My two seconds of effort are more valuable than your peace of mind.”
- Validation: When you get the principle, you realize I’m mad about the lack of consideration. One makes me look “crazy,” the other makes me a human being with boundaries.
Where the Principle Gets Lost in Daily Life
We see this everywhere, don’t we? It’s rarely about the isolated incident; it’s about the underlying pattern.
- The Friend Who Is Always 20 Minutes Late: The principle? They don’t respect your time.
- The Coworker Who “Forgot” To CC You: The principle? They’re undermining your professional role.
- The Text Message Left on Read: The principle? Communication is the baseline of respect, and being ignored feels like being devalued.
When people ignore the principle, they get to play the victim. They get to say, “Wow, you’re really sensitive,” because they refuse to look at the moral “why” behind your reaction.
Why It’s Easier to Call Someone “Dramatic”
Honestly? It’s easier to call someone “dramatic” than it is to admit you messed up a fundamental rule of human decency. If you can convince yourself that I’m “mad for no reason,” you don’t have to do any self-reflection. You don’t have to change.
But here’s the thing: Mad people almost always have a reason. We aren’t out here burning calories being upset just for the cardio. It’s exhausting to be mad! I’d much rather be watching Netflix and eating snacks, but the principle won’t let me rest.
How to Check Your Own Behavior: Look at the Broken Value
If you find yourself constantly saying “it’s not that big of a deal” to the people in your life, I want you to try looking deeper. Instead of looking at the action, look at the value that was broken:
If the answer is yes, then guess what? They aren’t mad for no reason. You just haven’t looked deep enough to see the “why.”
You Aren’t “Extra,” You Have Standards
Stay strong. Don’t let them “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss” you into thinking your feelings are invalid just because the catalyst was small. You aren’t “extra”; you just have standards for how you want to be treated.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stare at that dishwasher until it starts loading itself. (Just kidding… mostly).
What’s a “small” thing that actually had a huge principle behind it for you? Tell me in the comments so I know I’m not the only one fighting the good fight!
Love, Tina ✨🛡️🥄✨
#CommunicationInRelationships #EastvaleLifestyleBlog #emotionalIntelligence #HouseholdConflictResolution #PersonalStandards #RelationshipPrinciples #ResidentRealityCheck #settingBoundaries #storiesFromTina #ValidationOfFeelings