For Pete's Sake 
NASA MISSION UPDATE - ORBITAL MILESTONE BRIEFING 🚀
Mission Designation: HUMAN-1970-0411-P
Callsign: CRAVAT-GEEK-1
Launch Timestamp: April 11, 1970 - T+5 mins minutes post-Apollo 13 ignition
Completed Orbits: 56
New Trajectory: Initiating 57th orbit on April 11, 2026
MISSION REPORT: 56 ORBITS COMPLETE - ARTEMIS ERA OPERATIONS UNDERWAY
Houston, all systems remain impressively… operational.
Mission Control confirms that HUMAN-1970-0411-P has now successfully completed 56 full orbits of the Sun, maintaining a remarkably stable trajectory despite increasing gravitational interference from birthdays, paperwork, and “just one more episode.”
Born in the immediate wake of the Apollo 13 launch, the mission has now officially spanned:
The entire Apollo program
The Shuttle era
The rise (and fall, and subsequent rise again) of questionable fashion
A late autism diagnosis
And now, the Artemis program, including the recent Artemis II crewed lunar mission, which successfully looped humans around the Moon and brought them safely home
While Artemis II marked humanity’s return to deep space operations, subject HUMAN-1970-0411-P has been quietly conducting a continuous, unbroken long-duration mission since 1970 ...without the benefit of a launch escape system, mission patches, or freeze-dried ice cream.
Comparative Mission Notes:
Artemis II: ~10 days, lunar flyby, global celebration
HUMAN-1970-0411-P: 56 years, multiple terrain types, ongoing tea/coffee resupply dependency
Both missions demonstrate resilience, adaptability, and a willingness to say, “That’ll do” after a successful reentry.
SYSTEMS STATUS CHECK:
Navigation: Occasionally reliant on memory and/or guesswork
Propulsion: Powered by caffeine, curiosity, and mild stubbornness
Structural Integrity: Holding, with minor creaks during cold starts, some joints need oiling but otherwise still functional.
Communications: Strong, though may include repeated anecdotes from early mission phases
Vision Systems: Now include optional magnification attachments
MISSION OBJECTIVES - ORBIT 57:
Maintain forward momentum with style
Avoid unnecessary encounters with early mornings
Continue exploration of good food, good company, and low-risk mischief
Support ongoing human spaceflight initiatives from a safe distance (preferably with cake)
FLIGHT DIRECTOR’S NOTE:
As humanity returns to the Moon under Artemis, it’s worth noting that some missions never needed to leave Earth to be considered extraordinary.
56 orbits completed. No aborts. No recalls. No regrets logged (officially).
END TRANSMISSION
COMMENCE CELEBRATION PROTOCOL
