@peter I thought I was doing things the right way for a while:

Went to school, graduated high school, went to college, graduated college, found a job.

Then COVID happened and I had to start working contract/temp jobs.

Then I finally landed a permanent job.

Unfortunately my remaining parent died, and I couldn't keep up with the demands of the job, so I was terminated with little to no explanation.

Been a year since then, and I still can't find a job.

I had also been going to church, been participating like a "good little Christian".

Then we got new pastors who were sent from hell: they were trapped in a loveless marriage, they took their anger out on everyone around them, alienated many people from our church, including me for a time, and now my belief in a "God" has been shattered completely.