How To Negotiate Like A President

TRUMP: Surprise! I have murdered your leader and also 160 schoolgirls.

IRAN: Cool cool cool hey go fuck yourself. The Strait of Hormuz is closed now.

TRUMP: You have one day to open the Strait of Hormuz or else.

IRAN: Go fuck yourself.

TRUMP: You have three days to open the Strait of Hormuz or else.

IRAN: Go fuck yourself.

TRUMP: You have two more days to open the Strait of Hormuz or else.

IRAN: Go fuck yourself.

TRUMP: You have one week to open the Strait of Hormuz or else.

IRAN: Go fuck yourself.

TRUMP: You have 24 hours to open the Strait of Hormuz or else.

IRAN: Go fuck yourself.

TRUMP: You have two weeks to open the Strait of Hormuz or else.

IRAN: Go fuck yourself. Also, here is a list of 10 demands where you give us everything we want and the Strait stays closed.

TRUMP: Deal!

TRUMP: I am the smartest and best negotiator that ever negotiatinged.