What is kinda wild to me is that I have read about a dozen articles like this and not one of them actually indicates what benefit Canada would get from joining the EU, apart from ‘we all know that America sucks’, but being in the EU doesn’t actually solve that either.

not one of them actually indicates what benefit Canada would get from joining the EU

Do you just fundamentally not understand what the EU is, or are you looking for some specific details?

Weird that its hard for you you to understand what the question here is.

What is the benefit to Canada of joining the EU?

What benefit do any countries get from being in the EU? It’d be that.

Cool, so I can use my rail pass to go from Berlin to Ottawa?

You can’t be this silly.

You get free, unrestricted access to the largest trade market (in terms of GDP per capita), not to mention access to billions upon billions of euros in grants.