I blew up the budget trading in my uber laptop for a gaming PC since it lived docked 95% of the time.
Looks like I do *need* a laptop sometimes. Well, I need a keyboard with a screen on it sometimes.
Found an open-box chromebook+ at best buy for $130 (new price $550)
The keyboard is a bit, uh, different but the conversion to a linux laptop has been a fun project so far and I have a real SSD to put in to replace the tiny and slow eMMC storage.