sarah jeongmy level of stress has crossed a threshold where i think it would be funny if trump attended the birthright citizenship oral argument and scotus incoherently ruled in his favor 6-3. cortisol levels so high that i can't stop lolling about all my family members in danger. wouldn't it be funny tho
James Widmantrump rolling up to scotus like "don't forget i own you" and then scotus going "yessir" right after 8 million people marched lmao that would be amazing. anyways, someone's already drafting the constitution of the Second Republic right
make sure to abolish the senate, set age limits on every office, and make it korean-levels of easy to put the president in jail. statehood for dc and puerto rico, and revert wyoming to a territory.
but also throw in something dumb as a treat because you have to keep lawyers entertained for at least 100 years. make some weird exceptions to qualified immunity, like a trademark law loophole dmca/230 style so people start entrapping cops with mickey mouse hats
also we should make the copyright office simultaneously part of the executive and the legislative, but this time on purpose, because that's funny
fix campaign finance, fix repro rights, fix trans rights, fix voting rights, fix qualified immunity, and then completely fucking break intellectual property on purpose
i don't mean like, "liberate all knowledge!" i mean we should intentionally make arcane and contradictory systems based on things even worse than player pianos because it would be funny
copyright to a work automatically transfers if someone mocks it hard enough. only medicines can be patented but the rounded corners on phones count as medicine. trade secret law exists purely on the blockchain but also blockchains are now unconstitutional. the ITC now solely regulates smartwatches
the librarian of congress is absolutely immune for acts commited in office. the register of copyrights is required to marry the head of the USPTO, and any issue thereof is legally entitled to run the RIAA. federal patents no longer preempt state patent law. monkeys are allowed to own copyrights
cross-border digital file transfers are not subject to customs, but all tooth scans are now subject to DOJ export controls. typing "ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE OWNER, NO INFRINGEMENT INTENDED" nullifies liability but it has to be in all caps without typos. a typo results in maximal statutory damages.
a compulsory licensing system for all fanfiction except omegaverse smut, which pays no fees whatsoever
patents expire after 20 years unless filed on February 29 of a leap year, in which case they expire after 80 years
every judge on the federal circuit cyclically serves a 3-year term on a special, secretive court that rewrites Facebook's terms of service at will. It is allowed to cite the Berne convention and the statute of Rome in doing so.
software code is protected by copyright, but as a pantomime instead of a literary work. hardware, no longer patentable, is also protected by copyright, but as phonograms. oddly, perfomance is not protectable subject matter, and we are currently not signatories to WIPO
all intellectual property litigation is adjudicated inside a common law system except for cases involving either Andy Warhol or Richard Prince. The Warhol-Prince Circuit has original jurisdiction and is the only federal appeals court to adjudicate via civil law
memes receive a presumption of fair use in litigation that must be overcome by a preponderance of evidence. however, memes of the type "Notice of acquisition of meme" or "I'm stealing this meme" are now violations of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act
musicians who are offended by political uses of their works have cause to sue, but the remedy is in equity and equity is defined in noogies
Temporary copies, while not illegal, are subject to compulsory licensing set by a 1000-person board. Trademark is no longer indefinite and is subject to the Rule Against Perpetuities. Streamers can make 512(f) claims for baseless takedowns but only if they've never made a Mr Beast face thumbnail
the DMCA 1201 triennial rulemaking cycle is now an extremely high-stakes centennial rulemaking cycle and is overseen by the high priestess in charge of the Library of Congress's gift shop
DMCA safe harbor only applies to operators housed inside fiberglass boat hulls.
Flaming Cheeto@sarahjeong.bsky.social
Known as a Penzance Patent
Known as a Penzance Patent
GLCI knew of a fellow who went to college before his fourth birthday. A little before my time, but we had the same interviewer, and I wound up chatting with the latter about quite a range of things, including Alfred Korzybski (his choice, not mine). Oddly enough, The Pirates of Penzance did not come up at any point. Of the topics we did reach, Korzybski struck me as the oddest, or at least the most memorable.
He wore an onion on his belt, as was the fashion at that time
Jef Poskanzer@sarahjeong.bsky.social I was just thinking today about my favorite built-in constitutional conflict: the US Marshals. Directed by judicial but paid by executive.
CM Harrington@sarahjeong.bsky.social LOL, the left didn’t even make a counter to Project 2025 despite them knowing about it prior to the first trump admin.
Ciggy Bringer of SmokeThis is what we call 'Crackup Energy' and it is triggered by awfulness coming met with absurd potentials semi validated by the absurdity of the entire walk to this point.
baconandcoconut@sarahjeong.bsky.social I'm down for pretty much all of this.