When I was an alcoholic I diagnosed myself with lactose intolerance. I’d have the Gatling Shits and wonder ‘Hmm was it the 14 tallboy cans of beer last night or the half liter of milk I had for lunch? Must have been the milk.’

So your lactose intolerant huh? That sucks. I used to wonder what food was causing my rectum to bleed so much, but I’ve diagnosed that it wasn’t something to worry about until my 40s.