I always wonder... how will The Onion keep up with reality's decent into absurdity?
And then this...
https://theonion.com/fda-approves-lettuce-that-can-be-remotely-detonated-in-event-of-recall/

FDA Approves Lettuce That Can Be Remotely Detonated In Event Of Recall
SILVER SPRING, MD—Stressing its commitment to ending foodborne outbreaks as efficiently as possible, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved a new crop of lettuce Thursday that can be remotely detonated in the event of a recall. “Our state-of-the-art exploding romaine lettuce heads will combust at the first sign of contamination,” said FDA Commissioner Martin […]