dandelionhow are you referred to by others (e.g. "buddy", "friend", "ladies", "dear", etc.)?
neuracnuOn rare occasions I’ll get a “ma’am” from strangers, and I’ve got one friend who will give me an occasional “darling”. But aside from that, nothing but my regular name.
And the only time I’ve gotten “ladies”, it was the waiter addressing me and my masc/NB partner during an anniversary date. That wasn’t fun for anyone.
Oof.
One of the times I got a “ladies” I was hanging out with a closeted transmasc friend and they were caught as collateral damage. (To be fair, he is extremely feminine, wears feminine clothes in pastel colors, wears feminine jewelry and earrings, and he hasn’t socially or medically transitioned at all, other than to ask the local trans groups to use he/they pronouns for him.)
But it still really sucks, I feel like I’m failing in that moment - there isn’t an easy way for me to defend my friend without awkwardly outing him and needlessly alienating a cis person who could not have possibly known he was a closeted transmasc person.
I also get uncomfortable when he goes into the women’s restroom with me - like, they are asking me to use “he/they” pronouns for him, but he’s also going to go in the women’s restroom with me? 🤷♀️ I dunno, it can create some cognitive dissonance for me, even if I also understand being closeted means you are making these kinds of choices.
But I try to be understanding, I know it’s hard to come out of the closet and actually transition - hopefully he does soon.