Hey, if you are #trans and began transitioning in the 2016 - 2019 era, can you reply and let me know!
There are apparently way more of us here than I realized, and I would like to be closer friends with those that remember the before times and trans twitter and the discourses and the excitement before we all got burnt the fuck out. š
@FinalGirl
I know a LOT of trans peeps have this defined and set date as to when their "egg cracked" "flower bloomed" or "on this day" beginning of transition.
For me, my slow descent into madness began with questioning in 2014.
From then until June of 2019, before I tripped and fell backwards out of the closet and I extemporaneously came out to my wife, I did the following:
ā experimented with clothing, expression, presentation.
ā chose a girl name for being online (not my current one)
ā thought I might be trans in early 2016.
ā participated in the gender wars, debating the minutia of gender, definitions, theory, feminism, queer history, etc.
ā started what would become two and half years of extensive research into endocrinology and hormone therapy for transgender people.
ā therapy sessions starting in 2017 that would have three different therapists, hoping one would tell me I was anything but trans.
ā slowly began to lean toward the idea I might be trans after two years of therapy.
ā I tripped backwards out of the closet coincidentally during Pride Weekend 2019
ā began laser hair removal on face August 2019
ā first pill taken Father's Day 2020.
Sooooo... am I in the club?
@WrenArcher Yeah, I have a lot of problems with egg crack terminology because it doesnāt fit with my path so I have no real way to apply it.
Like was that when I was a kid and told my mom? When I was in college in the 90s and started but didnāt finish? There were 75 moments.
I mean you could maybe say it was when I talked to my doctor about hormones, but I was seeing an endocrinologist about hormones for like a decade before that and he had me on testosterone but I talked to him about how estrogen would feel better.
Like if the criteria is āremembers Trans Twitterā then that makes sense, but āstarted transitionā is hard for me because I started transition at least three times.
@FinalGirl @WrenArcher āegg crackingā definitely doesnāt apply to plenty of folks and peopleās journeys are all over the place. And Iām really happy you all are sharing them! Thatās also why I try to be intentional about including as a possible starting point among others that a person might mark the beginning of their transition or current gender embodiment.
And the way I think of egg cracking is a moment a person can have where all the defenses, rationalizations, and denials break down and it becomes in some sense inevitable to know oneself as trans/nonbinary (which does require access to knowledge and language a lot of times). Itās the point at which humpty dumpty canāt be put back together again and thereās no return to believing oneself to be cis.
@JoscelynTransient @WrenArcher
āā¦humpty dumpty canāt be put back together again and thereās no return to believing oneself to be cis.ā
Does that happen? Like, seriously. This is not a joke. Iām not even talking about the egg crack, Iām changing the subject. Does that actually happen for real?
Because I gotta be honest half the time Iām still not sure. Like I have a vagina and tits and went through facial surgery and Iām honestly, legitimatelyāthis is not a joke to make a pointāstill sometimes like ābut for real tho?ā
@FinalGirl
I've been there too. It hasn't legit happened in probably two or so years but yeah... two and a half years into hormone therapy, growing boobs and getting treated like a woman whenever I go out and there were a LOT of times where I was like, "Am I really trans? I mean these? *grabs my little mosquito bites* Pshhh. These could barely even be called boobs. Still cis though right?"
@FinalGirl @WrenArcher well, I can say for myself that is how it played out for me. I had a night in 2019 when my egg cracked, and I couldnāt go back. And while I can piece together all the signs that were there all along before, I was completely convinced 100% that I was a cishet man and had already considered whether I was trans and answered no in my hubris and ignorance. š
And since then, I know 100% that I am not cis. Even the part of me that still resonates most as āJoshā does not sit in cisness anymore and canāt back into believing that if I wanted to. Hell, the world has tried to traumatize me back into it a couple times now and failed.
I do still have those occasional moments of āare they right and Iām just a delusional man playing at thisā but that makes so little sense to me I see through it as the trauma and hate trying to internalize that it is. Is that the kind of thing you mean? It hits when Iām most vulnerable and in PTSD moments, but itās still so flimsy next to having fully been myself for the last 7 years and being unable to deny how different and powerful this has been - and what Iāve had to endure to keep my place in this world.
I donāt know if thatās getting at what you mean?
Joscelyn Transpiring
Tyla (Combat Waifu Yuri Arc)
Wrenasaurus Tex 