1
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exciting newssss
Rowling: there'ss a new harry potter out
King: a new harry potter?!?!?!
King: OMGG I AM SO EXCITED!
Poe: steve, no!
Poe: we discussed this
Poe: you know what the harry potter profits are used for
King: i
King: yes of course
King:
King: but
2
Rowling: sssteve
Rowling: come back to the wizarding world sssteve
King: no i
King: i shouldn't
King: i mustn't
Rowling: sssteve
Rowling: sssteve all your old friendss are there
King: n-no
Rowling: they misssss you sssteve
3
Rowling: whatss the matter sssteve?
Rowling: don't you like harry potter anymore?
King: [sweats] Rowling: don't you remember all the fun you had
Rowling: don't you remember dresssing up asss draco for the midnight book release at borderss in 1997
King: i i
King: [sweats] that was a long time ago
4
Rowling: come on sssteve
Rowling: jussst watch the trailer
Rowling: how much harm could that do?
Rowling: it'sss free
King: y-yeah
King: yeah that makes sense
King: i mean, it's free, how much harm COULD that do?
Rowling: thatsss right sssteve
5
Rowling: jussst watch the trailer
Rowling: let the nossstalgia wash over you
Rowling: remember all your old friends? ron weasley? herminone granger? cho chang?
Rowling: they're all here
Rowling: they're waiting for you
Rowling: [hypnotic swirl eyes] trussst in me, jusst in meeee
6
Poe: steve, no!
King: b-but
King: harry potter made my childhood magical!
Barker: steve weren't you, like, 50 years old in 1997?
King:
King:
King:
7
Rowling: now now sssteve
Rowling: there actually iss an ethical way to watch harry potter
King: there is?
King: quick tell me!
Rowling: haven't you ever heard of
Rowling: death of the author?
King: oh, good point!
Poe: steve, she's alive
Poe: she's right here in front of you
8
King: death of the author? what's that?
Rowling: it'ss real sssimple
Rowling: you continue to conssume harry potter media
King: uh huh, ok, i'm following
Rowling: but you don't worry about what i do with the profitss
King: uh
King: what WILL you do with the profits?
Rowling: don't worry about it
9
Rowling: don't listen to them ssteve, death of the author isss the perfect way to enjoy harry potter guilt free
Rowling: it worked for howard
Lovecraft: and how!
King: yeah but he's actually dead
Lovecraft: what
10
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Poe: joanne was explaining death of the author
Poe: what do you think, mary
Shelley: death of the author eh?
Shelley: [brandishing swicthblade] i think it's a good idea
Rowling: i
Rowling: i have to go
Lesbian Death Bed
𝐉𝐨𝐧 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐫
Tim