grown weary of caddy's weird config syntax, i'm migrating everything back to haproxy's weird config syntax

this time around i'm plugging iocaine into its "stream processing offload engine." but it is behaving in a nonsensical way. i'm sure it's my insufficient understanding but, it sure is violating principle of least surprise

i want a caddy/haproxy replacement that is configuration-free, instead you define its behavior in code with the help of a bunch of library functions