@Bwee re: https://meow.social/@Bwee/116278828207966984

oh the absolute nerve to subpost this publicly

the problem is that an approach like this tends to make people feel like they've never done anything wrong, and thus, inhibit healthy self-improvement (therefore, making this advice dangerous)

this is not a personal attack and telling me to "just make my own post" is silly (i've been encouraging others (and myself) to improve and feel at ease with their past for *years*; i can assure you i made my own posts)

@xyla I'm sorry my post rubbed you the wrong way. Perhaps it was written too vaguely? But it doesn't absolve every single reader of all responsibility ever, and I don't read it like it does.

Sometimes, you know, deep down, something that happened to you wasn't your fault, but the voices in your head are persistent and they can end up making you question your worth. This is what my post is addressing, and I'm hoping most readers took it in that spirit.

I understand that shrugging off all responsibility isn't a good thing. But abuse -is- sometimes completely one way, and I just want those who were in that situation to know they don't deserve to feel worthless just because something bad happened to them, if that makes sense?

Also I apologize for "subtooting" you but I was genuinely scared that I was making a mistake and wanted other opinions.

@Bwee the only problem in this post in my opinion would be "It wasn't your fault.", as this only applies to a narrow group of people that isn't specified here (without it, i wouldn't see this post as a possible unhealthy reaffirmation)

the problem being, if someone is feeling really down, they will be prone to understanding repeated messages like this as a removal of guilt and ending up with a really bad realisation at some point

@xyla @Bwee I think your initial post here was way too harsh for what I gather was just a criticism of lack of nuance.

In just saying it was "insanely bad advice" without initially providing that same nuance you were looking for in your own post, it came across as extremely hostile, especially on a post meant to encourage survivors of abuse.

I think everyone here knows we're not all perfect and that what we do can cause harm, but when survivors of abuse are constantly told they're the problem by their abusers, coming in and saying "No you're wrong, because you can totally be at fault here" comes across as the same sort of DARVO stuff that we have dealt with constantly.

Sorry to jump into this, but I think you've been extremely unfair in your criticism, and I care a lot about Bwee.

@xyla @Bwee I never said you were trying to attack Bwee. I understood your point and did not assume malice, only recognized the harshness of your response.

There is more to making a point than just being technically correct, and if you hurt people in the process, it makes little difference to me if you are “right” or not. Especially in matters of perspective such as this. You seem to expect nuance and verbosity from others but did not offer it yourself until pressed.