PicassoI’m on the same page
Idlk I’ve never had to “fight” for the right love to work out. In fact, it was very easy with the right person.
“you cant just go forcing something if it’s just not right”
wizardbeardWhat’s your longest relationship?
People change, and you change, over the years. And over time life can throw a lot of shit your way. Love is easy when it’s just dates in your free time, or if you’re long distance and every visit is a little vacation. When every encounter is a special little event.
It’s tougher over time. Stuff like crunch time at a job while an elderly family member’s health is degrading and having to juggle both because you can’t afford to tell your job to fuck off. Life stressors and busy schedules leaving no time for intimacy. Not being able to rely on your partner like you normally can because of the immense amount of shit they’re juggling. Navigating past childhood trauma (even with therapy, it can still rear its ugly head).
Interests can change. Priorities can change. Things that may have seemed like cute quirks in the first year can become pet peeves over multiple.
I’ve been with my wife for over a decade now. We’ve both changed in a lot of ways, and it has taken effort to find time around everything else in life to ensure we have time for each other. Having a kid makes it that much more difficult.
We’ve had friction. We’ve had to work together to keep things working. Stuff like “I get your frustration and concern, those are completely valid. I’m going to work on that… That said, holy shit you CANNOT word it like that or bring it up to me like that unless you just want us to have a shouting match. That wording and approach signals a hell of a lot more to me than you seem to actually mean.”
“Fighting” to make things work might be the wrong word, but it has at times been a lot of work. And I feel our relationship is stronger for it.
Ultimately, I’d rather have the depth of relationship where I build things with my partner and get deeply attached, than to keep things distanced enough that I could just cut and run when things got messy or difficult. That means that I’ve got to weather when things get rough too.
So far it’s been worth it.
TrackinDaKrakenSome people value duration in relationships, others don’t. There’s not one, right way to be in a relationship, and one isn’t better than the other.
I didn’t make some objective judgement one way or the other. I laid out reasons why a relationship may take “fighting”, work, or effort that wouldn’t be as necessary in shorter term relationships. I also stated my preference for longer term ones.
That said, I think it may be a little telling that you jumped to defend your lifestyle choices when they weren’t attacked.
We’re doing this life together, so that means we’re sticking together.
It never needs to be proven that we could go away. We know, and that’s why.
agamemnonymousIt’s a bit of both. No amount of fighting for a relationship is going to compensate for fundamental incompatibility, but no amount of compatibility will eliminate the need to work at it.
Toxic shit they teach women so they “fight” to put up with neglectful men
Even healthy relationships need work, that being said you should never stay in an unhappy one
Wait, where the fuck are the cats this morning?