@janl digging into this a bit more, macOS only wants .plist files in Library/Preferences, and if you're working with the sandbox APIs that's apparently the only thing it'll let you put there
some apps are putting other things there in directories but apparently this might be forbidden in a future OS version
if you want a cross-platform config format, macOS wants you to put it in ApplicationSupport, as that's where "configs" go
getting the actual value of $XDG_HOME from a GUI app double-clicked in the finder is difficult, it seems many apps which claim to do this just hardcode $HOME/.config instead
meanwhile my ApplicationSupport dir sits at 116 GB, most of which are resources apps have downloaded from the internet, but also a few GB of cache files
what a shitshow