I went to a Sephora and ordered a Honda Accord. They were stunned, mouths agog. It took them hours to recover and finally reply they don’t have Honda Accords. So I gave them a super smug piece-of-shit grin and was like, “Fine. Bring me a Civic.”

@batkaren

The first mistake is hosting a Nazi at your restaurant.

I bet he's a shitty tipper.