Okay, so I really don't love how bottom surgery turned out for me. It'd be very nice to go back and snag a phalloplasty. A doctor is even down to do this. Just like, some problems.

• I'd probably have to drop literally 100 pounds, something mentally and physically grueling to do.
• My bits already are... Tender and get sore real damn easy. Like, using a strap hurts. So I could do this and it'd just be a literal pain in the end.
• My partners are pretty damn ace and being immunocompromised, my chances of finding folks to even use said penis with are pretty damn low.

So like... I'm in a heck of a mental bind over this all the time. Is it even worth all the mental effort and high risk for something I might not even get to enjoy and use? That might also leave me depressed after I manage it all? But by doing nothing, I remain pretty damn miserable with huge bouts of dysphoria and depression to deal with in regular waves.

This is one of those times I wish there was actual good support for folks who have transitions go haywire cuz I got no idea who to even ask about these things or how to mentally figure out this risk/reward equation.