What made you choose to go through with it in the first place?

What makes you miss it now? What is it about then vs now that you miss?

I was told by people I know and in support groups that it was the next stage and that if I didn’t I wouldn’t ever feel like a real woman. I was told that I would be seen as a man by others and that I could be assaulted by people I meet and hook up with. I don’t really know, I guess I believed the shit people told me and thought it was the right thing to do. It was not.

I miss peeing while standing up. I miss… (People will think I’m a troll for this)

I miss jacking myself to porn. Touching myself in general down there. Feeling myself down there, jiggling my balls. Things I took for granted back then. I also hate dialating, I haven’t done it at all in the past 2 months. It just feels so gross to stick something inside me. I don’t even care if this rotten hole closes up. It’s not like they can fix it or put it back how it was.

I miss just having it in general. Seeing myself with a dick back then I never thought anything of it, but seeing myself with this disgusting hole in my crotch just makes me want to vomit, and always makes me cry. I look so disgusting, I know other people don’t think I would look disgusting if they saw me naked but I look disgusting to myself with a vagina. I hated it so much that I ended up breaking my bedroom mirror out of anger, sadness, and disgust. Tore a 2 inch gash in my hand doing that.

Alright so here’s why I think you’re a troll:

Being post-op doesn’t change shit for trans women when it comes to hook ups or even meeting people. Transphobes will do it regardless. Transphobes will see you as a man regardless. Everyone in the trans community is inescapably aware of this. People who are not transphobes will have no issue seeing you as a woman regardless of your equipment.
Trans people do not, under any circumstances, gatekeep when you feel like a “real woman” because bottom surgery is something utterly inaccessible to most.
The way you describe it skips over the part where actually getting bottom surgery is a long series of hoops to jump through including multiple different therapist letters where every single person everywhere along the way is going to double check with you that you really do want to go through with this. If you express even the slightest hesitation, they’re going to tell you no. Someone who is actually unsure whether or not they want it is going to back out. No amount of peer pressure would ever be enough to get someone to go through with it which, again, that peer pressure won’t exist because trans people will never tell you when you get to feel like a real woman. If you come into a space expressing that, it’s up to you to say that not having bottom surgery is the reason for that feeling. Nobody else can ever tell you what to feel about it.
Lastly, the idea that you can no longer touch yourself after bottom surgery, jack off to porn, or feel yourself is absurd. You absolutely can, surgeons preserve the sexual function. Even if you went to the least reputable bottom surgeon there was, you wouldn’t be saying the things you are in the way you are if you did. You’d be saying you regretted the surgeon you went to or that the results weren’t what you wanted, not that you wanted the old equipment back as is. It would be couched in “well it was better than this because everything sucks for XYZ reason” where XYZ reason is none of the reasons you just gave.