Mastodawn

I've had a few new folks follow me and it's time to warn you that in ~15 minutes I'll be participating in a thing called #Monsterdon, which is where a bunch of us get together and co-watch an old movie and make fun of it. It's a real good time. Feel free to join!

So if you suddenly see me posting once every 5 minutes, be aware that this goes on for about 90 minutes. You can either mute the hashtag if you don't want to see any Monsterdon posts, or mute my account for a few hours (if you click on "options", you can "mute for 6 hours" - I assure you I will say nothing remotely useful for at least that length of time).

Tonight we're watching Jason and the Argonauts, free on Tubi here:

https://tubitv.com/movies/674726/jason-and-the-argonauts

Tubi is the largest free movie and TV streaming service in the US. We are not available in Europe due to changes in EU laws.

Shouldn't he have oven mitts on

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Pissy guys who want to go to war: "We've no time for riddles and symbols, just tell us who to kill"

Oracles everywhere: <rolls eyes>

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Red capes seem like bad planning, like how do you tell who has an arterial bleed and who just got their cape wet

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"5 times, Mrs. Bueller"

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Jason and the Argonauts sounds like a band made up of Jason and all the other guys who failed auditions to join the Argo's crew

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

The beard game is strong in ancient Greece

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Jason is so smol

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

I didn't know Hercules invented frisbee golf

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Hera at the helm

She looks seasick

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

I like how she can close her eyes when the movie gets too ridiculous

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

You know what's good for sunburns?

Shirts

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"If I meet a woman with a full leg and a warm bosom"

Wait, so like, you're looking for a woman with one good leg and warm boobs? It's nice that he doesn't have unrealistic beauty standards

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Imagine Hercules in a revolving door, just using those giant muscles and spinning everyone around

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

"Wait, were we supposed to take stuff? Or NOT take stuff? Geez these details are really hard to remember"

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Wow that guy really didn't want anyone to steal his brooch pin

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Having once rowed crew, I can tell you that backing up is not that easy

Admittedly I was never forced to row for my life away from a menacing giant on the shores of Lake Washington

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

I mean, you guys rowed right to him, what did you think was going to happen

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Imagine if you called 911 to report a guy following you with a sword and 911 was like, "Use your wits and look to his ankles"

THANKS FOR NOTHING, EMERGENCY SERVICES

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Use a quarter

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Guys with half-built wooden kayaks in their garages that they've been sanding for seven years: Yes, putting a boat together is definitely that easy

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Hercules, ruining it for everyone

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Me, honestly, as a kid looking at pictures of ruins: Why didn't they ever build roofs

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

This really puts annoying mosquitos in perspective

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Maybe just build him a house with a door he can lock

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Jason: <quietly, into the wind> Steady as you go. Easy.

Guys rowing twenty feet away: WHAT

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Things are getting rocky!

AHHHahaha heh <cough>

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

OOOooo, a drummer, okay now it's getting cool

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

I don't see how he can possibly have leverage with his lower half being a fin but whatever it's fine what are physics anyway

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

The crew later, drunk at some pub: AND THEN WE SAILED UNDER A GIANT MERMAN'S ARMPIT

Everyone at the pub: Yeah sure guys

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Okay well we know which boat crew needs a stern lecture about toxic masculinity

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Okay I think maybe give up the golden fleece and start a small pharmaceutical company with that flower

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

The power of purple glitter eyeshadow cannot be denied

DO NOT DENY IT

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Important Man enters, flanked by Bored Guys

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Wow, they're pretty moody here

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Jason and Medea
Sittin' in a tree
F-L-E-E-C-E

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Me, a spinner: I wonder if the golden fleece smells like dirt and lanolin

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

Okay I'm just going to say it: Jason sucks at swinging a sword

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

You'd think something with seven brains would be a little better at strategy

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts

David Zaslavsky

#Monsterdon #JasonAndTheArgonauts1963