mjdxpintel making an x86 instruction to multiply a floating point number by the number of sevens in another number then divide it by the square root of a randomly generated number which is then copied to every other register which has "1337" in its address in a range specified by the number of bytes of RAM currently used by the system going up to the uptime of the system in unix format minus the number of days since george h.w. bush was president (it's needed to get 0.001% faster framerates in very specific video playback situations)
x86 instruction that simulates throwing a bowling ball in a bowling alley, storing the number of pins knocked over in whatever register was specified
Starlight ✨@[email protected] You can use a MEMS bowling ball + pin chip for true randomness
@starlight CPU that contains an entire bowling alley for improved randomness
@[email protected] The nanometer scale info screens that play goofy animations as the pins are sunk, are the most technically challenging part
@starlight who said the bowling alley had to be at a nanometer scale? i suggest we just tack on full sized bowling alleys onto our CPUs from now on
Xenotime, Librarian of Æther 
@[email protected] and intel makes a cpu with a dedicated unit to speed up bowling simulation instructions but it turns out to be so full of unpatchable security vulnerabilities they just fuse it off and bowling calculations now take longer with the special instructions than without them
@[email protected] vulnerability: hardware accelerator (which makes the bowling balls go faster) allows you to walk past the line
Furbland's Very Cool Mastodon™@mjdxp this is just half of what intel is doing now i think