yes, early in transition I got lots of aggressive stares from men. Usually the men who did this were older. I noticed the younger men who would aggressively stare were usually hyper-masculine. It was definitely a minority of men, “not all men, but always men” comes to mind here.

I never really figured out why they stared at me; it didn’t necessarily feel like an obvious intimidation tactic, even though it was obviously very intimidating. Maybe that’s all it is, but I sorta wish I figured out what was in their head as they stared.

Definitely be safe out there, maybe make sure to start going out with friends and other women, and esp. be careful with bathrooms. Might be good to know where there are safe unisex bathrooms you can use, for example.

In general it’s good to remember people will still think you’re a man based on how you look and sound, and they will react to you that way, so early transition might not be the best time to go into women-only spaces unless you want to deal with the resulting drama and fallout from people feeling that a man is invading that space. During that time I found it helpful to be invited into those spaces by other women, and to navigate women-only spaces with women there with me who can vouch for me.

Personally this period of transition was when I felt like feminization was literally a survival strategy for me, so this was when I started really investing in getting good at makeup, fashion, hair care, etc.

Also, voice training should be a top priority as well (if your goal is to look, sound, and live as a woman, etc.).

EDIT: I know it’s a lot, but it does get better the further in your transition you go. I’m sorry for these experiences, I really don’t know what’s wrong with people.

I never really figured out why they stared at me; it didn’t necessarily feel like an obvious intimidation tactic, even though it was obviously very intimidating. Maybe that’s all it is, but I sorta wish I figured out what was in their head as they stared.

Honestly, sometimes they might be dumb as shit and they don’t necessarily know they’re staring. Or that they shouldn’t be obviously staring.

The Venn diagram of hyper-masculine men and very stupid men approaches a circle.

Full disclosure, in one instance, I have been that staring man, only out of specific curiosity and never out of hostility. There was an employee at Microcenter that transitioned, and I honestly couldn’t tell it it was the same employee I recognized from their pre-transition days. So I tried to subtly figure it out without verbally asking and still probably ended up making it uncomfortable.

oh, there’s a difference between that kind of peeking-to-see style staring, and the kind of staring we’re talking about.

Here are some examples of the staring we’re talking about:

1. I walk into a grocery store (this is early transition, so I look more or less like a man in a dress, or a man in a skirt with a blouse, etc.). On the opposite end of the store, there is a group of 20-something men who are all blonde with athletic haircuts, wearing sleeveless shirts showing off their muscular arms, and they’re talking to an older man. When I walk in, all of them start to turn and look at me. They continue to look at me as they talk and move about the store. I am still grocery shopping and minutes later they’re still just openly staring, not looking away when I look up at them. They don’t stop until they leave the store.

2. I am having dinner with three other women (I’m the only trans one, and I still look like a man in a dress). We’re sitting outside on a picnic bench, and there multiple rows of benches. Sitting diagonal to my right is a man maybe in his 50s with his family. Every time I look up, he’s looking at me. He doesn’t look away, even when I meet his eyes. This lasts over an hour, the sun sets and he’s still staring at me.

This is different from normal people staring at me or taking glances because I was visibly trans and they were curious, e.g. one time I was at a table in a restaurant the family next to us started to peek and look at me because at some point in the evening I outed myself and ended up on their radar, but the family sorta had their initial look and curiosity fulfilled, and then went back to their evening. This is a different kind of staring than what OP and I are describing, which is more like the intense / unwavering stare that some (in my experience usually only older, or hyper-masculine) men will do.

Anyway, don’t worry too much about the worker you took a glance at, it’s very unlikely you were perceived as one of these aggressive men.