@umbeebmu
Hello, that's very interesting. What do you think is going on then?
Asking as someone who doesn't play competitively for fear of imploding into a 'sore loser' state of mind and rage-resigning endlessly.
My approach is to try and let go of the winning/losing, and playing for the fun of it. But that lofty view is fragile for now!
For now I live in the Lichess gymnasiums, practicing their key training exercises...