Of all the ways to go, ‘bleeding out while a topless witch performs a pagan ritual with my blood” is honestly top 25.

What are the other 24?

Occult ritual, eldritch ritual, neoprotestant cult ritual, wizard kink ritual, toilet food ritual, duck summoning ritual, duck banishing ritual, duck vanishing ritual, duck eradication ritual, small explosive ritual, large explosive ritual, larger fish summoning ritual, hooks for hands surgery mishap, volleyball mishap after getting hooks for hands, you know what any kind of general mishap after getting hooks for hands I’m thinking parasailing, parasauralophalus summoning ritual mishap, parasauralophalus breeding ritual mishap, half Elvis, full Elvis, inverted Elvis, Elvis with gum in his ears, sneeze so hard I pop all my buttholes at once, finish my goal of eating one of everything by eating something that is poisonous to me like a cybertruck or John deere tractor thereby cementing my position at the top of the food chain.

How many was that? Top choice is one of the Elvises.

You missed two; “Gangbanged to death by topless witches performing a pagan ritual” and “hooks for hands mishap during a topless witch pagan ritual gangbang” but honestly you nailed everything else.

I mean I’m a weird neopagan so it felt weird putting pagan rituals on the list but I got you. Pagan ritual and hooks for hands mishap during pagan ritual should go on there (although we have more antlers than sex during our rituals)

Personally I’m more of a Satanist so profane sex rituals on a pentagram inscribed into hallowed ground is more my style but there’s plenty of blasphemy to go around. Left Goth Girl is probably more my speed but I’m happy to play sacrificial lamb for whatever flavor of Goth Girl presents herself.

Is left goth girl like left shark or something? As resident gothabilly a have been out of the loop on new goth evolutions for a while

Left Goth wishes to summon Malazor apparently. Seventh Gatekeeper in Purgatory is probably pretty chill tbh.

Right Goth sacrifices to Wōdans Allfather to summon Spring so she can sack Rome again, probably.

(Please refer to the meme attached to this post 😁)