Does anyone have a screepcap or link saved of the interaction about a decade ago when a trans girl on reddit asked an adult cis man how often he thought about being a girl and his answer was something like "I dont think ive ever thought about that".
That interaction broke so many people and i wish i had properly secured it for posterity. My brain remembers the guys handle had Panda in it iirc.
eg: closeted trans girl who will state "im not sure if im trans, i dont hate being a guy, im not sure if i want to be a woman but its an idea that comes up sometimes"
translation: I would make a pact with an unholy demon to be turned into a girl right now, please, are you an unholy demon? please tell me you are
@siege @JoscelynTransient I think it depends on how you define "trans".
From the outside, it's basically "live as another gender", with a spectrum ranging from "occasionally/for fun" to surgery/name change/etc.
If from the inside it's "fantasize about being another gender", then it would explain your reactions just as well as that screenshot.
I posted something a few years ago along those lines here, and the overwhelmingly kind reaction has been to effectively include me as trans. But I am...
@siege @JoscelynTransient ... 100% convinced currently that I will never live as another gender. I say that being totally fine with people applying the trans label to me. But I don't really, in my mind.
(The TL;DR is, I'm comfortable as I am, but if I could physically gender switch at will, I'd be happy to flip back and forth. Only time would tell in which form I'd spend more time.)
I think there's room for an in-between zone of the trans spectrum. Perhaps that would also make it less scary?
@jens there are in-between zones of being trans if that feels right to you! The key is, if you would feel better living your gender differently, you can!
You can be non-binary, genderfluid, or one of many other possibilities. You could chose to do no medical steps to change your sex characteristics, you could choose to do only some, or you could choose to change most of your sex characteristics - those are all options. You can also dress in different gender expressions day to day, you could express yourself a mix of ways, or even not change your gender expression at all.
When I started transition, I identified as nonbinary and genderfluid, and it was just about giving myself permission to wear a dress or feminine clothes and makeup when I felt femme and girlie, wear masculine clothes when I didn’t, and wear a mix when I felt somewhere in the middle. I would use different pronouns based on how I presented that day with my friends. And I didn’t know if I wanted to even use hormones or do any procedures, so I didn’t rush into that and let myself explore first.
If it calls to you and think you might find joy there, know that it is okay to explore that, you have a community that will support you, and you can change your mind later if you decide it’s not for you. 💜
@JoscelynTransient I don't know if I got my point across at all, but I want to express my gratitude anyway. Because I can see that your response is meant to be encouraging, and it certainly is kind.
What I want to get across, though, is something else entirely. I guess it's more like this question whether turquoise is a shade of green, or a shade of blue.
There's evidence that this distinction is largely *cultural*. In some cultures it is strongly associated with one, in others with the other.
@JoscelynTransient How I feel about myself is very similar to turquoise.
Cishet folk assume I'm cishet, trans folk may want me to be trans simply because I am not obviously cishet.
I don't feel a need to be in either category.
Now the screenshotted post above, that's a little more on the side of one interpretation, but holding on to the other. I get the reactions folk had on this thread.
I just... want to urge you to also consider that turquoise is turquoise, not green/blue.
@jens it's like, people are so busy deciding whether the turquoise paint fits in the drawer with the blues or the greens, they forget that that's not what art is about.
Every shade is its own thing. Every person is their own person. Paint is for painting and life is for living.
@JoscelynTransient
@Tattie I don't think that was so much the case here, but that would be the extreme, yes.
I run into this issue a fair bit. I have an urge to categorize, and I think it's generally a human urge. In my case, it may even be stronger, because autism makes it uncomfortable when things don't fit.
Once I discovered multiple categories can apply simultaneously, I was a lot happier. And when you then apply duck typing, categories fit the messy world even better.
In that sense,...
@Tattie @JoscelynTransient ... I find that most stuff one encounters can be duck-typed into many categories, and each may provide valuable feedback: if I apply this lens, what does the thing look like?
So I truly do not mind being interpreted as green or blue. It's a necessary thing, IMHO. I just don't like being told, effectively, "because I have viewed you through the blue lens and everything is clear, you must be blue".
That misses the green bits, and vice versa.
Not that it happened here.
CJ "siege" Bellwether
Joscelyn Transpiring
Jens Finkhäuser
Tattie