Curiously, this is something parents are often on the lookout for with their kids - especially younger and less verbal kids. Watching for physical and emotional queues is the difference between knowing when your kid is genuinely upset and just hungry or sleepy. The tenor of a wail can be the difference between “I’ve lost my ball under the couch” and “I’ve seriously injured myself, get me to a doctor asap”. You’ll also notice little kids adopting coping mechanisms - self-soothing by sucking on a hand or clucking a toy can indicate stress even if your child isn’t crying. Flinching from a seemingly harmless object can indicate some kind of pain or trauma (recoiling from food because you’ve got a sore throat, flinging a book because it has a scary picture, etc).

Kids get older and they start learning how to read queues from their parents in turn. And that’s a normal, healthy way to grow, even if what you’re discovering about your family is that they’re chronically stressed or ill-tempered.

“I noticed my mom was upset, so I tried to cheer her up” is an emotional development you should want to see in your children. Because you’re going to be around people who are upset the older you get. And developing empathy is a good thing precisely because it means you’re looking outside yourself and recognizing others as people like yourself.

In theory, it sets off a positive feedback loop. You’re grumpy, and your parents notice, so they try to cheer you up. They’re grumpy, and you notice, so you try to cheer them up. And the net result is less stress, more love, and a stronger bond between family members.

Empathy is a double edged sword, it’s true. The difference that makes a difference is the emotional maturity of the parents.

Empathy is a double edged sword

No it isn’t. I can’t think of a drawback to empathy that is worse than anything caused by lack of empathy

I think you mistake my meaning, I wasn’t intending to stake the claim you’re arguing against. I was only saying empathy can hurt sometimes.

Ok, still not sure I get you… hurt through empathy is still a good thing (kind of like pain due to exercise)

In the context of kids using their empathy to survive neglect and abuse… Agree to disagree?

Where is the abuse or neglect of a father being quiet during one dinner?

Again, I do think I know where this is coming from… but what is written in the post is NOT that.

This post is like describing a baseball butt slap as sexual abuse… yes, there is such a thing as sexual abuse but a friendly butt slap in baseball is basically in the baseball manual

They’re not calling those specific things abuse, but if you’ve lived in an emotionally abusive home they’re highly recognisable moments. It sounds like you’re coming at this from a slightly too literal frame of mind.

maybe? but I am just reading the post.

I mean even if the start had been explicit about abusive parents I would have been OK with the post… but even the wording “a household where someone’s mood shifts the atmosphere” come on!..

Anecdote time:

I love music and it is rare I am not playing some music when I am at home. When I have been out of town, my kids (grown already) had said the house felt sad because there was no music playing.

Similarly, when our cat of 20 years died, my mood was not very lively and I did not feel like listening to music… ergo, the house was indeed sadder than normal.

This anecdote fits the post to a T… yes I am taking it literally but there are LOTS of ways this could have been written more clearly and not cast a hurried mom (slamming cabinets) or a worried dad (quieter then usual at dinner) as abusive.

Finally, to clarify, this concerns me because TONS of kids read this stuff and swallow it entirely.