For me, it was always through work. Meeting co-workers after work, and meeting other people that way.

You do need to make an effort, though, instead of excuses.

You do need to make an effort, though, instead of excuses.

This really needs to be said more often, I don’t know what’s going on out there but I see this “I can’t make friends” sentiment all over the internet, but out in physical space people aren’t just going to “click” with you, you have to put in effort, use judgement if you’re putting in the right effort for the right company, and you have to decide what you’re setting aside to invest in this goal.

“I don’t have time to do ____” surely applies to a lot of people and situations, but in my time coaching I always had to tell people that you don’t get good at something without making the time to actually work towards it, and making that time is always going to be a you problem. You have to decide if that 2 hours you spend “unwinding” after work is really doing you more good than hanging out somewhere and socializing or even just trying new things.

I get being tired, we’re all fucking tired. But it doesn’t fix itself, all you can really do is force your body and brain to adapt to new kinds of stimulus and activity, which it will readily, you just can’t have both… you can’t spend all your spare time gaming or scrolling and expect you’re going to also be able to instantly shift gears if someone calls you up to go have dinner or play airsoft or go hiking or something.

Or you could live in a less urban area, specifically one where transplants are less common than people who grew up less than 30 min away. People who never left their home town, whose friend group also never left, still have all their friends from school and don’t need or want more. They don’t really want to be your friend even if you do click. You can meet them out dozens of times and have running jokes when you see each other, but they’ll never go out of their way to make or keep plans.

Everyone who moves to my current area says basically the same thing about how difficult it is to make friends here. People much more commonly get their friends hired with them than make friends with new people who get hired, so even that hasn’t been a super fruitful endeavor. Only people I’ve managed to make lasting friends with have also been from elsewhere and struggled.

That’s not to say people aren’t nice and welcoming, they are, they just aren’t welcoming into their social circles.