𝐿𝒶𝓃𝒶 "not yet begun to fight"

HOW CONTACTLESS PAY IS DEPICTED IN SCI FI MOVIES AND TV:

1. Wave wristband anywhere vaguely near sensor
2. Smile and walk away with product

HOW CONTACTLESS PAY ACTUALLY WORKS IN REAL LIFE: .

1. Hold phone near sensor device
2. Wait
3. Nothing is happening
4. Look at phone in confusion
5. Hold phone near sensor device again
6. Wait
7. Still nothing
8. Place phone directly on sensor
9. Flip phone over
10. Rotate phone
11. Hold every conceivable surface of phone directly against every other conceivable surface of sensor device at every conceivable angle
12. Device chirps happily
13. Start to walk away with product
14. Ha ha just kidding that is the bad chirp
15. That is the chirp that indicates something has gone catastrophically wrong
16. Now you must do penance and apologize to sensor device
17. Phone demands that you prove your identity
18. Scan fingerprint
19. Answer captcha
20. Reply to two factor authentication text
21. Hold phone against sensor device again
22. Wait
23. Sensor device buzzes loudly
24. You have angered the sensor device with your inane requests to process payment
25. Hold phone against sensor device yet again
26. Notice that phone is showing a blue check indicating successful payment
27. Look at cashier in confusion
28. Cashier is currently doomscrolling TikTok and cannot be reached by any known means
29. Leave with maybe(?) stolen product

Mar 2 at 7:12pmWeb
Show threadpaprikapinkMar 2
@Lana Ah, this confirms it! I'm living in a sci-fi movie
Show threadMx. Eddie RMar 2
@paprikapink @Lana
But not, like, a good SciFi movie. We're in a crappy one written by someone who took the bad message from the decades of space nazis that came before.
Show threadCheapPontoonMar 2
@Lana you could add the part where the cashier contemptuously tells you you tapped your phone to the card reader too soon but what is taking you so long hurry up.
Show threadBookMar 2

@Lana *Book paying in cash*

1. Gib moneh
2. Git small moneh back.
3. Ciao.

Show threadJenkins. Tom Jenkins. 🤮🤢🤮Mar 2
@book u forget the buk
@Lana
Show threadespoir, she/her, immigrant 🇵🇸Mar 2

@Lana

Sounds painful.

I prefer cash.

Show threadUrbanEdmMar 2

@Lana So much variation by system. I care mostly about express transit payment - fiddling around in a store is far less disruptive than when leaving a train platform - and have had great results in Edmonton, Toronto and London. Just tap and go.

But Vancouver and Ottawa? No, the you have to wake up the phone and then put it near the sensor and away a couple of times. Maybe open the wallet.

Show threadJenkins. Tom Jenkins. 🤮🤢🤮Mar 2
@Lana funny but for me it works as pictured in your first sentences.