I wonder if I should dye eggs this year. I have all these nonreligious versions of traditions I grew up with that are still kind of seasonally comforting, maybe even important, to me, but they're all tangled up with new and increasing baggage re:christianity and also unpleasant memories from growing up.
I kind of feel like, I should bake myself some nice things? And make some eggs? If only to see how it feels.
I'm only one generation removed from catholocism trauma but I think it kind of doesn't go away? It's part of the history of my family in subtle ways and also some other traditions I have engaged with. The modern and often ahistorical ideas of americanized celtic or english pagan traditions that were loudest online for my generation …catholocism/christianity is sometimes present in those things, too. I've never been able to make sense of the mess especially considering my own slight irish heritage while also knowing the "celtic" stuff passed to me from popular pagan websites was likely not at all grounded in fact and probably offensive.
It's weird because I was raised strictly secular and there was just never any spiritual or emotional discussion about how to responsibly hold/think about/deal with these histories and traditions. I guess I am trying to have that discussion with myself.
I feel like it is just, knowing that christianity was compulsory for many of my ancestors, but not for me, except also kind of for me? since it has completely absorbed my government and most of my society, that sets my brain on fire.
I've been getting like contamination ocd about it, while also knowing that the ocd tendencies in my family are not exactly unrelated to the christianity AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
occurrent