And last night, I hung out with another former crush who started dating someone else while we talked about dating. And they were both mostly on their phone while I sat quietly waiting to talk.

I don’t know, I kind of feel like that was another bulletin dodged.

And the woman I was driving an hour plus to see treated me like an object on the shelf.

Mo kings, no masters, and no crushes.

I have this habit of approaching relationships from this perspective of spending a lot of emotional energy proving to someone that I am worth being with. And it keeps up being something that makes me feel worse about myself.

Honestly, I’m feeling kind of done with this. Like fuck dating. I pour so much emotional energy into these potential relationships only to have women tell me I’m worth less than the words in a horoscope app? What’s the fucking point?

Like, what’s the point of constantly trying to illustrate how much emotional energy you would spend in a relationship with another person when the response is consistently that they will spend so little on you that they won’t even realize you are sitting there?

Like just fuck off with this whole thing then.

And so far dating feels like that. It’s either a representation of how little I mean to another person, or how freakish I appear in a group of young pretty girls.

Those are my options. That’s what I got. I’m worthless, or I’m a monster.

I just feel like I’m at the point of “fuck it” to the whole goddamn thing. Like just leave me the fuck alone, then.

I always hear people be like ”I’m not dating because I’m workiny on myself” or some shit and like, I get that I guess. But honestly I think I’m done dating because I’m fucking sick of bitches looking at…

*gestures at physical self

All…

*gestures at accomplishments

Of…

*gestures at career

This…

*gestures at emotional self

And being like “but a horoscope app said…”

Like fuck y’all. For real. Just fuck outta here.