You said my activation phrase

Internally: “YESYESYESYESYESYESYES”

Externally: “Cool, let me know if you need any help”

“my friend recommended I use Ubuntu”

me (screaming internally, about canonical, about snaps, about bloat): “That… that’s good. Good choice.”

I say better for them to make the jump now to Ubuntu and figure out a distro better suited for their needs later on than to remain on Windows while having choice paralysis about what distro to chose.
Same.