That is why I keep slipping hotdogs in people’s apparel. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I want to be liked. But I am undeniably good at what I do, and if I can bring the world together through sheer force of terror then so be it.

Everyone will be faced with constant uncertainty whenever they reach into a pocket or a purse or a buttcrack. No one will be able to trust a friend, or a wife, or a child any longer. Why can’t I get hot water in my shower? I blocked the pipe with a hotdog. Why is the icecream machine at McDonald’s broke? I replaced the cream with hotdogs. Why are there chunks of graphene and other detritus on the roof? I replaced the control rods of reactor no4 with hotdogs.

I am in your walls.