Tim

I used to dislike Valetine's Day, now I hate it.

The whole capitalist thing has been well covered...but the reason is far more personal. Me and John used to do little camp things, like pink bubbles or heart chocolates around the day, but we didn't make a big thing of it.

This year I thought of getting a candle or card but could not face it.

It's like Mothers and Father's Day - I have taken to actively avoiding places that make a big thing about any of these. I'd rather not have the trauma raked up for profit you know?

I wish I could opt out, cos I must not be the only person who finds today painful?

Went shopping tonight for food and the place that banned John over the road has new owners and has opened for...you guessed it. And many people and places doing same on the way.

I just kept my head down and scuttled past. I don't know how I was last year, but it weirdly feels harder this year.

The feeling that I'lll be alone forever is very strong, as is missing him every day.

#valentinesDay #valentine

Feb 14 at 10:24pmWeb
Show threadCatbrainz 🇱🇧🇦🇲🏳️‍🌈Feb 14
@radioclash grief is one hell of a beast. Do you have people supporting you through all this?
Show threadTimFeb 15

@catbrainz some yes. Family has been useless, and he was my surpport system so it's been hard.

A few friends, who I am trying not to rely on, because they really should not have to fill in for family.

Therapy was limited, free therapy/counselling is rare here, mostly expensive. One of the areas the NHS is really bad at - our 'Talking Therapies' phone counselling system is not fit for purpose, charities are having to fill in the gaps.

And again, I maxed that out, and not fair to keep using that as it's limited access, 3-4 months wait lists and volunteer based.

Show threadCatbrainz 🇱🇧🇦🇲🏳️‍🌈Feb 15
@radioclash what about group therapies? Is that an option? Might make you feel less like you're imposing on someone if you can connect with people going through the same thing. Although I'm sure your friends would want to be there for you in times of need - even when depression tells us they're better off without us.
Show threadTimFeb 15

@catbrainz I was offered that - I had grief counselling fairly early on. Group therapy is what they offered first.

But my experience of group dynamics can be weird. Like the transmed weirdness I got in a local trans/enby group.

So very wary cos folks can be weird.

Show threadDweaselDiiFeb 14
@radioclash I’m so sorry! I lost my momma 18 days ago and this was her favorite holiday, I can’t even fathom Mother’s Day or anything this matrix is unforgiving.
Show threadTimFeb 15

@DweaselDii Thank you, and sorry to hear that...I would like to say 'it gets better' but in my case, in 18 months it has not.

Yes Mother's Day is a difficult day for me because I didn't have a good relationship with her - and yes she died in 2008.

Father's Day cos I had to go no contact with my Dad because he didn't step up after my partner of 27 years (John) died and then I lost a friend to suicide in the same year 2024/5.

But mostly my partner. Birthdays, Xmas, Valentine's Day - all minefields. I have to be really careful around those.

And mostly just hide, although I go out for a meal on his birthday and take his ashes along (I don't tell folks what's in the bag on the other chair, they likely would be weirded out).

But I hate the 'Happy Mothers Day!/VD!/Fathers Day!' emails and love the few companies that let you opt out of them. Should be more that do that.

Show threadDweaselDiiFeb 15
@radioclash omg ! Yes the emails and the constant push to consume garbage it’s crazy.