I mean, without knowing what this is about I can’t say

If it’s about what they did, unless it was premeditated and personally directed at you, yeah the grudge is unhealthy

If it’s about the way they do what they do, nah you want to avoid their bullshit, it’s not really a grudge

It’s difficult, man. It will probably make you happier if you could just forget about it, but brains don’t work that way. Plus some people just seem to be way better at it than others.

A mildly traumatic thing happened in my workplace. I have plenty of functional days, but other days things return to my brain without my inviting them and it makes it more difficult to function. Sometimes I get transported back into time like I’m there.

One thing I read about is the concept of mental “time traveling”. When we remember these things, it’s like we are literally back in that very moment. But that is not what is happening right at this very moment. You are “safe”. You are not back in time being harmed right now.

Is it wise to not trust her anymore? Absolutely.

But in order to free yourself better, you have to first notice that you are time traveling. Then look at things in your environment. Not her, but try to take in all of the sensory input around you. Remind yourself that you are here, not there. Recognize that the only time that exists is right now. Even one second in the past no longer exists and even one second in the future doesn’t exist yet. Work with what is around you now.

Idk if that is at all helpful, just something that I have read about lately. Way fucking easier said than done because I still struggle.

Wishing you well.

Do you not like the department you were moved too?

Did being in the new department hurt your career or reputation in anyway?

Ask yourself, is there any value in having any sort of relationship with this person?

She never repented and apologised? You’re right not to trust this person. But like her there are just way too many people in this world and if we go around holding grudges we’ll never have peace. Yes, it was unfair. Yes, she never came around and explained/apologised. But that’s life, and it isn’t anything big enough to consider retaliation. 🤷✌️

Any grudge is probably unhealthy.

I don’t think you necessarily win by doing what you’re doing.

It’s also not clear what she did, if it was immoral, if there was some reason why someone had to move. A lot of info missing to know if you should feel aggrieved 2 years later.

It’s unhealthy because holding on to stuff like this just poisons you.

Do you know that she was involved in your move, or do you just suspect it? If it’s the latter, has it occured to you you might be wrong?

Holding a grudge means this person lives rent free in your head. It’s a waste of energy. If you have to work with this person, fine. Be professional, nothing more.

Live your life and don’t think about this person.

Don’t trust internet strangers to weigh in on this. Talk to a therapist or someone you trust to thoroughly consider the details that you haven’t (and shouldn’t) share here. Without the details, we’re just guessing, but even then a single post-and-reply exchange is not a good substitute for a full IRL conversation.

I mean is it really just a grudge or do you simply have good reason not to trust or like her? Seems more like the latter to me

This doesn’t really sound like a grudge. This person showed you who she was. You’ve taken note, and have adjusted your behavior accordingly. That’s not a bad thing. She won’t be the last ladder climber you run into!

Once bitten, twice shy. She demonstrated that she is untrustworthy.

Even if you are completely correct and this person conspired against you; holding onto this is not great for your mental health.

The best thing for you is to acknowledge that you were hurt by this and accept that. Then move on, what they did was about them and not you.

From your text, it could be that they were just selfish and you were collateral damage. My advice stands, give yourself the freedom to move on.

I think it’s best to keep her at arm’s length. You don’t need to hate her but you also don’t need to be her friend. Keeping guarded is probably for the best if she can stab you in the back again.