KoubuJan 7
Welcome again. I suppose it's my fault for not saying all of this earlier, since my life has been busier with work.
To start, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of us. I know that it's long past both of them, however. Once upon a time, Christmas was celebrated in January, instead of December, and in remembrance of the bygone Christmas, I finally allow myself to lay some matters to rest. And in doing so, perhaps I will find that tranquillity that I have sought all this time.
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First off, you may realise that my output for this year was much less than the previous one. It is not simply because of college and work, but also because of these unfinished matters that I have resisted acknowledging. Not many of you are aware of this, but I once did commissions. Commissions that I ultimately ignored, not simply because of my lack of skill, but also because of my abysmal attempts at having a coherent working schedule and communicating it to my clients.
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Before I realised it, six commissions were rotting away inside my backlog. It was because of these incidents that I abstained from doing commissions entirely, until last October, when I finally opened commission listings on Ko-fi. Despite this, I have managed to finish one of them after mothballing it for more than a year.
Jan 7 at 3:04amWeb
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Another commissioner forgave me for my mistakes instead, but I never truly allowed myself closure until this very moment. So, if you are reading this, I am forever regretful of the crimes that I have committed out of ignorance, and thus I seek nothing but forgiveness.
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Secondly, even though sharing details of your personal life is often a taboo in itself, I realise that the only way to properly end this year is to summarise what I have truly been through and have done, and let out the grievances that still linger deep inside my soul. It's hard to swallow a reality in which those who surround you are all accomplished, while you have utterly nothing but failures to your name.
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Last January, I packed up along with my parents to move back to my home city, simply because I could no longer continue studying in university - I had neither the capability to continue nor the funds required. Shortly after that, I took up a short-lived internship at a fast-food restaurant that lasted for one month. And if it weren't for my aunt's charitable acceptance, I would have been completely unemployed.
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Being a 20-year-old obese unemployed guy stuck in his parents' house is going to make for an eyesore, isn't it? The unbearable comparisons are always lurking at the corners of my ear: When they were my age, my parents were moonlighting as waiters, having all-nighters, and somehow still able to attend university. And here I am, being able to accomplish not barely one-hundredth of what they used to do. Perhaps it's my fault that I just couldn't stop scrolling and comparing myself to everyone.
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All good things have to come to an end, however, and I found myself being cast out of my aunt's paint store simply because they "do not have the funds to pay" nor the need for me to stay. Ever since they hired new staff last month, my role has been constantly reduced, and with the new college semester starting, I virtually had next to no time to dedicate to the paint store.
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And with that, my already abysmal salary vanished overnight. Go on, jam that application in my face if you will, because I have written on it so many times that I have lost count. Don't worry, my commissions will stay open regardless, as well as my donations, if you wish to support me.
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Regardless of all this misery, however, I am proud to report on some pleasant news. I have received donations, thus disproving my own misconceptions that I do not deserve support whatsoever. Moreover, I have also been able to publish my own artwork summaries for 2024 and 2025, as well as celebrate my own birthday, something that I had postponed almost two years ago when the complaints came out.
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And most important of all, I have finally decided to pursue animation, after contemplating it for more than two years. The "Koubenian Miniatures" will be continued, regardless of my circumstances.
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For years, I have never truly done something even remotely close to a "subscriber/follower milestone" celebration. It's not that I do not value the support that you have given me, but rather it's because I thought that celebrating something like that would have been unfair. Now that I have realised the importance of gratitude, I shall celebrate every milestone I surpass, regardless of how small it is.
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So, congratulations to myself for surpassing one thousand followers on Twitter and Bluesky; six hundred subscribers on Pixiv and Tumblr; two hundred subscribers on Deviantart, YouTube, and Instagram; fifty followers on Newgrounds, as well as having followers on Cara and other sites. All of these sites listed are available in my Carrd, whose link is in my profile biography.
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Ultimately, ever since I posted that one chalkboard scribble more than five years ago, the internet itself has been my second home as well as a gallery. I will always be grateful for any and all kinds of support that you have given me, be it encouragement or criticism, be it silent or loud, be it donations or commissions, and even allowing me to keep on proving my talents to the world is more than enough.
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Let this be a year that I pay back my debts in full, and finish this redemption that I have started long ago. Thank you all, and thank you always.