@nat a couple of years ago, I was a salesbunny in a store. It was a big store, and I was in the tech section. When Christmas arrived, I had people coming towards me, very obviously emotionally distressed, asking me to find something to gift.

I started to notice the same pattern repeating over and over again: people putting an immense strain on their mental health and their budget, because they felt like they absolutely needed to find something. To the point of just giving that up to me, a stranger in a store, saying they didn't know what they needed or what they wanted, "just find me something cool that I can gift."

I wasn't a fan of Christmas before that. But ever since then, every time Christmas comes around, I think back to these people, how mentally exhausted they all looked. Especially women. Come to think of it, it was a lot of women. Friends, sisters, mothers. Desperate to please.

I don't want any part of this, anymore.

@nat
Little me would be crushed with no gifts for holidays. But present me understands little me actually wanted some proof of care and love, and obligatory gifts were better than nothing back then.

My mom used to buy me small used presents she knew I would like from the street market when she had a little money. Good memories in harsh times.

I usually refurbish (is that the word?) when I found something used I know is wanted and then give it to that close person. Has worked well.

@nat "She and John regularly copied out and illustrated poems for their mother, Jackie, upon birthdays and Mother's Days." ... https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/inspired-by-her-mother-caroline-kennedy-releases-anthology-of-poems/

... No need to spend money for a beautiful gift.

@nat

My partner usually buys me a puzzle book, and hides a bunch of post it notes inside. On them he writes IOUs for hugs, foot rubs, flowers, dinners out etc. lovely.

@nat I think about these traditions again. For several years I feel like gifts are relic from past era, when all stuff weren't as abundant as now. Currently if someone really wants/needs something, they usually purchases it themselves in short time, unless they have financial problems. And for many people bigger problem is too much stuff in house, not lack of something.
I have some family members with more or less severe syllogomania symptoms (not officially diagnosed, but their houses look almost like in psychological TV documentary). And for few years I finally live in apartment not owned by any family member - this is my first place not being someone's "crap warehouse". I have to constantly fight with my family, mostly my mother, rejecting unnecessary things they try to give me, defending my apartment against turning it into similar pile of crap.

Since I became adult I feel gifts in my family are mostly random dumb things. Like "I don't know what to buy but I HAVE TO buy SOMETHING". And it doesn't make any sense. It would be better if all interested parties just save that money and use it later for really wanted stuff for themselves. But for some reason most of family want to display the show, with pile of colourful packages and big queue of giving (luckily at least paper bags are recycled between family members for years so they don't buy new ones every time...)

Maybe only really useful gifts would be donating to some charity/mutual aid or similar causes, focused on real needs...