I need to make a large blog post about this sometime, but... This is kind of a draft... While I'm sitting out here drunk and high and enjoying some music and trying to get my life 'in order'...
I've spent the last 4 years processing killing my parents.
4 years ago, I realized some things about my parents and how they were only an image of parents.
I've been spending a lot of time processing that, alone, in addition to all the trauma before that...
We're gonna listen to that song again...
Sorry...
Anyhow... I found myself in a situation where I needed to close the door on my parents.
And that has been bothering me.
It took me a long time to realize that... I was having a hard time with it, because I did not hate them. I do not hate them.
I love them. So why would I want to close a door on them? Why would I want to cut them off?
It was when I asked myself that, that I realized that the reason was... They make me feel worthless.
They make me feel unlovable. They make me feel like trash. They make me feel invisible.
And while I love them, and would love to have them in my life, it is not until they change their ways and recognize the mistakes they have made and begun to work on changing their ways, they are poison to me.
I have to moderate my contact.
Their issue? Their problem? They have stopped growing. They think they've matured. They think they have stopped learning lessons.
Or so it seems. I don't know. Frankly, my parents are strangers, as they don't feel comfortable sharing themselves with me.
It took me a long time -- 40 years -- to realize that. I made excuses for them. I thought I had a decent childhood. I did not.
Anyhow... I've been processing that... As that has been getting in my way, professionally, and in my personal growth...
I hope more of us wake up and see this.
Complacency is death.
Anyhow... More music...
#DrunkBobDJ
For those not paying attention, we played "Sex (I'm a) by Lovage" twice...
Pope Bob the Unsane
